Yesterday, Tom fell off a ladder and broke his leg. Seriously. It’s not a delayed April fool’s joke, though I sort of wish it were. The fun just never ends around here! Grateful my mom is here to help out – didn’t realize we’d need a dedicated driver this week.
So, today is my 49th birthday, and things continue to be fairly gross. My bi-lateral mastectomy surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, and we’re trying to get things in order for that, prepare the kids, get my recovery zone in place, and now, get Tom some sort of fancy boot so he can drive and return to work at some point. Of course, he’ll need to cease the oxycodone which is helping his pain, but also making for a fair number of interesting and slightly off topic Facebook posts (I tried wrestling the phone away, but alas, he’s quite talented on those crutches).
In some ways it feels like years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and in some ways this experience continues to be surreal. I truly want this step to be over, but honestly, I hate everything about this. Seriously, Tom & I must have been serial killers or something truly bad-ass in a previous life to have all this drama swirling around us right now. It’s pure crappy.
Worst – there are still lots of unknown. Has this monster spread? Is it in the lymph nodes? What lies ahead – chemo, radiation, yanking out of ovaries, or some other fun? And after all of that, waking up every day wondering if it’s back – lurking somewhere, taunting me while I try to go about my life. (Can you see new and stronger anxiety meds in my future?)
The unknowns are the worst. I’ve been very busy, so I don’t have a great deal of time to ponder them. It’s that middle of the night stuff that gets to me. I limit my “research” on the internet as none of the news is good, and I ration what I read because I’m so easily overwhelmed, and need to function for the children (and hop-along as well).
Ok – I’m such a downer today! Here’s a pinch of positive – gee whiz do I have a large and compassionate village! The reach-outs, notes, thoughtful gifts and meal donations are beyond my wildest imagination! I didn’t even know I knew that many people! I’ve sort of been socially isolated for so long that I’m literally astounded by the people I know and from so many different corners of my life. And people are so thoughtful! Makes me realize how awful I am when horrible things happen to people as I’m the one who feels so cliché and just never can come up with something to say that feels genuine. Yet, my village members are truly good and thoughtful people! My gratitude runs deep.
So, I’m scared. This is a crazy week, and I’m not so great with physical pain stuff. Frankly, I’m a giant wimp who just cries all the time. There is no doubt I’ll be the patient that instigates a massive United Hospital nurse happy hour on Friday when they toss me out! I won’t blame them one bit.
Ok – one other cool thing to share. My sister, Kristine, and her lovely family will be moving here from New Jersey in about 2 weeks! Kristine has not lived in MN since college, and Chuck is originally from the Boston area, so this is going to be interesting for them here in the land of hot dish. Chuck has a new job, they’ve already sold their house, and they want to buy a house somewhere nearby in our school district. As Chuck so candidly said “just outside of biking range would be perfect” – and I think that’s fair. But having them nearby is going to be pretty terrific considering how life is going right now. For starters, I have a clock for Chuck to hang up.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out, sent vibes our way, and/or done some amazing deed for our family. There is no way to properly convey how thankful we are, but we will try. If you have any spare good vibes to share on Wednesday, I would appreciate them.
See you on the other side!